We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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