The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
