and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
