id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
