paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
