Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
