I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
