According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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