Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
