i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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