man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
