I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
