If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize