Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
