Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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