The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
