She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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