I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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