I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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