I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
