Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize