just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
