I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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