I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize