he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
