I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
...so i touched it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
