he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
