im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
