I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
