we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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