I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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