Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
