she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
COCAINE IS GR8
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
