shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
