i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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