I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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