i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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