I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
