Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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