Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
