What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
