Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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