Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
