i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize