Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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