i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
