i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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