Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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