I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
