so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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