oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
