Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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