his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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