so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
