I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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