He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
