He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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