Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
