turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
