My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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