I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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