I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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