I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
