Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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