i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
