the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How's work?
Spinning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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