I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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