those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Alive.
So much puke
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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