singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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