Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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