Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
